"The meek shall inherit squat."

Sermon From the Mount

August 19, 2009

I’m Lovin’ It. Carl’s Jr. Consistently Brings Automatic Weapons To A Knife Fight.

Ladies and gentlemen, The Big Carl. 1,400+ calories and $0.50 less than a wimpy, 700 calorie Big Mac.

Ladies and gentlemen, The Big Carl. 1,400+ calories and $0.50 less than a wimpy, 700 calorie Big Mac.

McDonald’s is McHuge. McGlobal. McMonolithic. So if it’s your job to try to nibble away little chunks of business from Micky D’s, (like, for instance, if you’re the marketing team for Carl’s Jr.), you don’t wake up every morning looking for new ways to play fair.

And, to be fair, they haven’t. Carl’s has probably done the best job of any marketer lately at scoring tons of free eyeball time and brain space by deliberately cultivating outrage through the overt sexualization of sandwiches. It doesn’t matter what I think of their efforts. All that matters is what what burger-loving males between the ages of, say, 14 and 24 with three bucks in their pocket think of them.

OK. I'll admit that I didn't even know who Audrina Patridge is until I reaad that a bunch of mommy bloggers had complained about this Carl's Jr. viral video.

OK. I'll admit that I didn't even know who Audrina Patridge is until I read that a bunch of people were complaining in blogs about this Carl's Jr. "Bikini Burger" viral video. Well, say what you will about Audrina's gold lame swimsuit. Carl's closeup food footage blows the pickles off most of what you see on the air these days. That is a tasty-looking burger.

So, I’m not even going to comment on “Soapy Paris Hilton on a Bentley” or “I Like Flat Buns” (by the way, Carl’s used Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” years before Burger King forced mommies to cover the eyes of their Sponge Bob loving kiddos), because their latest street fightin’ tactic is something that just about everybody in marketing has always dreamed of doing (come on, admit it) but never got to because it was “too risky”, “too hard”, or “we’ll get letters.” And, whatever you think of Audrina Partridge and her “Bikini Burger”, the Carl’s team deserves some serious props for this one.

According to today’s Wall Street Journal, Carl’s has taken to parking a flashy, heavily branded mobile kitchen in front of select McDonald’s restaurants, waylaying customers as they’re walking out and offering to swap Big Macs (Beef content = 3.2oz) for Big Carls (Beef content = 7oz).

And, since Carl’s has learned to use YouTube the way Procter & Gamble uses “One Life To Live”, we can expect to see some juicy footage emerge from this. If they’re really lucky, maybe they’ll catch a McDonald’s manager going all Christian Bale on some innocent kid in a paper hat in the Carl’s Mobile Diner. Good for you, Carl’s team. Fight on. If you had restaurants in Massachusetts, I’d go scarf a couple of Big Angus Burgers (I think those are Paris’ faves) just to say thank you for reminding us all not to be such big, cluckin’ chickens.

July 9, 2009

Malcolm Gladwell, Howard Moskowitz, spaghetti sauce and the end of endless line extensions.

Stop & Shop in Somerville, MA stocks 33 kinds of spaghetti and 87 kinds of pasta sauce. To anyone planning to introducenumbers 34 and 88, respectively, good luck!

Stop & Shop in Somerville, MA stocks 33 kinds of spaghetti and 87 kinds of pasta sauce. To anyone planning to introduce numbers 34 and 88, good luck!

Everybody who works in any phase of marketing in any category from investment counseling to internet routers, farm machinery to pharmaceuticals, horse chow to house paint, furniture to funeral services (you get the picture) should watch this video, take it to heart and share it with colleagues who might either benefit from it or deny its implications (after you’ve finished reading this blog entry, of course).

In the 20-minute video, Malcolm Gladwell, at the TED conference in 2004, makes great points about the fallibility of focus groups, the unreliability of asking consumers directly what they want in a product and the worldview of worms in horseradish. Gladwell is a genius at seeing the deep meaning in tiny things, so you owe it to yourself to watch the video. But, here’s my shot at condensing it to a bloggable blip:

It was the early 1980’s. The time of “just say no”, Rubik’s Cubes, Pac-Man and Flashdance.

Second-place spaghetti sauce manufacturer, Prego had a can’t-miss plan. They’d have Psychophysicist Dr. Howard Moskowitz determine the formulation for the “perfect” spaghetti sauce, with the flavor and texture that was most liked by the most people. Then, in one swoop, they’d unseat category leader Ragu.

But Dr. Moskowitz’s proved (to Prego’s initial dismay) there was no such thing as one perfect sauce, and that if Prego created a sauce that hit the “sweet spot” between the different sauces that different people liked, they’d have a sauce that millions would find acceptable, but nobody would love.

Dr. Moskowitz still saved the day, though. He went on to prove that if Prego looked at people not as one, big group of spaghetti sauce consumers, but as a groups of people who clustered around particular spaghetti sauce traits, then made multiple kinds of sauce, they could divide the market and conquer Ragu.

Thus was created Prego Extra Chunky, and thus was Ragu moved to the number two position in the category.

Now, embracing and exploiting* the diversity of an audience’s desired product attributes is a standard, common part of almost every marketer’s tool kit these days. We use this tool to design new products, seize shelf space (in the case of CPG’s) and brain space (in the case of just about everything other product or service) and to focus marketing programs more accurately.

So I’m going to make a bold assertion that this tool is, in fact, so standard and common that it just might be losing its effectiveness.

Consider:

  • In The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz, a sociologist at Swarthmore, makes a pretty darned convincing argument that today’s abundance of choices (a good thing, right?) is, in fact, an excess of choices (he describes the shelves of his local supermarket groaning with 85 kinds of crackers, 21 “different” kinds of chocolate chip cookies, 75 kinds of iced tea, a dozen different choices of Pringles, 29 different chicken soups, and goes on to cite similar examples in just about every business category from financial services to health care plans) that bewilders, overwhelms and actually causes symptoms of depression in many people.

Graphic from the The Wall Street Journal, Jube 26, 2009

Graphic from The Wall Street Journal, June 26, 2009

  • According to The Wall Street Journal, (June 26, 2009), These Challenging Economic Times** may already be alleviating some of that problem, because many retailers are cutting way back on the variety of products they’re allowing onto their shelves (Walgreen’s is cutting the types of superglues it carries to 11 from 25. Wal-Mart is dropping 20 of the 24 different tape measures it sells. Kroger is eliminating about 30% of its cereal varieties).

The time is fast approaching, if it’s not already here, when marketers are no longer going to be able to line-extend their way to success. Tossing product features and consumer traits into the Cuisinart isn’t going to pass for “innovation.”

We’re all going to need to learn new ways to design products that are both relevant to and resonant with consumers who are more discerning, less willing to spend and just plain weary of having to chose between zip front and button fly, boot cut and standard leg, athletic fit and trim fit, stone washed and acid washed, just to buy a pair of pants.

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*By the way, I’m sick and tired of “exploit” being considered a bad word. This is the definition according Microsoft Encarta:

exploit: verb [ trans. ] : make full use of and derive benefit from (a resource), noun : a bold or daring feat

Neither of those are bad things. I hereby reclaim this perfectly useful word for the forces of goodness and clarity.

**Henceforth in this blog, this irritatingly overused set of words will simply be abbreviated as “TCET”.

June 5, 2009

Who does Bill Mount think he is to name his blog that? And, for that matter, who is Bill Mount?

Yes, I named my blog “Sermon From The Mount”.  And, to explain why, I’m about to severely date myself. But it’ll be worth it if I can remind the world of one of the greatest trade advertising campaigns ever.

From sometime in the 1970’s to sometime in the 1990’s, The Wall Street Journal ran a series of more than 100 ads aimed directly at the people responsible for filling the newspaper’s pages and coffers: ad agencies. The campaign ran in just four publications: Advertising Age, Adweek/Mediaweek and the WSJ itself. It was called Creative Leaders and each full-page ad was a long-copy quasi-interview that explored the roots, philosophies and general worldview of an exalted figure in the Advertising Creative Pantheon.

All were minimally designed and beautifully written, but, bizarrely, had these goofy, get-you-flunked-out-of-University-of-Texas-School-of-Advertising, bad-pun headlines: Ed McCabe’s ad was headlined “The Real McCabe”. Lee Clow’s was “Clow, as in Wow”.  Penny Hawkey’s was “Penny For Your Thoughts”. Lois Korey’s was “Korey’s Story” (you can see the whole campaign – and I encourage you to do so after you’ve finished reading this – here at the Advertising Educational Foundation website).hawkey1

Naturally, all of us young creative guys (of which I was one during most of the years the campaign ran) devoured every word of every ad and, much like wannabe baseball players imagine themselves batting cleanup in the World Series and ‘tween girls doodle “Mrs. Zac Efron” on their notebooks*, we all spent an absurd amount of time dreaming up often viciously insulting bad-pun headlines for each others’ eventual Wall Street Journal Creative Leader ads.

Now, I remember some of the headlines we came up with for one another and, don’t worry, guys (and you know who you are) I won’t reproduce them here since I don’t have permission from my former colleagues to use their names. But I certainly remember many of the headlines my creative buddies came up with for me. Some of the G-Rated ones included “A Mound of Mount”, “Bill Shills” and “Five-Dollar Bill.” I also remember the day a young art director, fresh out of (you guessed it) The University of Texas School of Advertising, poked her head into my office and told me that she had the perfect headline for my WSJ ad. “Sermon From The Mount”.

An ACD who was sitting in my office at the time rolled his eyes and delivered, with absolutely flat affect, the withering put-down, “That’s not funny. That’s actually decent.”

About fifteen years have passed. The Wall Street Journal doesn’t run that campaign any more and I’ve been out of the Ad Guy Business for quite a while. This blog is about the last place that not funny but decent headline is going to have a chance for exposure. It certainly isn’t intended to imply that this blog will be filled with sermonizing. But I hate to waste material (especially if I didn’t have to think it up in the first place) and it’s a chance to say thanks for a good idea to a really talented art director (and you know who you are).

As for the “who is Bill Mount” part, please go here for my official Drumcircle bio and here for my Facebook page.

* Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m ready. Bring it. I place this link here for anybody who questions the painful but undeniable truth of my reporting

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